Scenes from Christmas Break

(This Plastic Brandon/Plastic Abel post will be updated periodically over the Christmas holiday. Best enjoyed by readers of How to Repair a Mechanical Heart, or anyone whose heart beats a little faster in the dollhouse-miniatures aisle of A.C. Moore.)

 

December 23

Scene #1: Unexpected Developments

(ABEL answers the phone in his bedroom)

BRANDON: Trivia question #1.

ABEL: (grinning) Dish it. I’m ready.

BRANDON: In Episode 1-24, what does Captain Cadmus tell Sim he wanted for Christmas when he was six, and did he get it?

ABEL: EASY. A black Shetland pony named Velvet Elvis. And totally not.

BRANDON: Very good. Trivia question #2.

ABEL: When do I get a turn?

BRANDON: After this. Okay: Where is Brandon right now, at this very second?

ABEL: Please for the love of Zeus tell me it’s not “gyrating onstage in a leopard thong at The Cockpit.”

BRANDON: Nope. That was Friday.

ABEL: Snacking on crabcakes by the frozen harbor?

BRANDON: Incorrect.

ABEL: I give up.

BRANDON: I’m pulling into your driveway, Captain.

ABEL: I thought you had that lunch thing at your aunt’s!

BRANDON: Things change sometimes.

(ABEL dashes to the window, yanking on his coat)

ABEL: That is most welcome news, Tin Man.

 

(The joyful reunion of Plastic Cadmus and Plastic Sim happens less than five minutes later. Plastic Cadmus shows Plastic Sim his cool new jacket. Plastic Sim blinks appreciatively.)

 

Scene #2: Trim Up the Tree

ABEL: Is it obnoxious to have a tree in my bedroom?

BRANDON: Nah.

ABEL: But what about this particular one? Is it a doofy hipster tree?

BRANDON: It’s fine.

ABEL: I feel like it’s one of those horrible trees in the Charlie Brown Christmas when they go to the tree lot and everything is gaudy and pink and silver and it’s like a symbol of All That Is Wrong with Christmas and—

BRANDON: Oh my God.

ABEL: What?

(*Brandon holds up an elf ornament with a school photo for a face*)

BRANDON: Is this YOU?

ABEL: I made it in kindergarten. Shush.

BRANDON: Look at your bowl haircut! And your—

ABEL: Don’t say “chubby cheeks.”

BRANDON: I was going to say “giant head.”

(*Brandon ducks a candy cane*)

 

Scene #3: Board Games by the Light of Abel’s Parents’ Twelve-Foot Tree

BRANDON: Your turn, Queen Frostine.

ABEL: I told Tim we liked to play this to relax and he totally didn’t believe me.

BRANDON: Tim who?

ABEL: Down-the-hall Tim.

BRANDON: Is he the hackysack dude with the secret ferret?

ABEL: No, the lacrosse player with the secret lacy underthings.

BRANDON: Ohh. Didn’t you say he was cute?

ABEL: He’s a dirtbag.

BRANDON: Really.

ABEL: Everyone knows I like quiet, All-American boys who eat out of compartment plates because they hate when their various foodstuffs touch each other.

BRANDON: I have a secret.

BRANDON: The other day? In the cafeteria?

ABEL: Yes?

BRANDON: I got this huge ladle, and I poured gravy allllllll over my turkey, and I watched the gravy creep closer and closer and closer to my applesauce until the two like, became one on my plate. And I didn’t even care.

 

ABEL: I’ve never loved you more.

 

 

 

Christmas Eve

 

Scene #1: Snickerdoodles

ABEL: Presenting: the “official cookie of us.”

BRANDON: Are they supposed to look like that?

ABEL: Like what?

BRANDON: Like. . .sat on.

(*Abel consults recipe*)

ABEL: Baking soda.

BRANDON: CRAP.

ABEL: It’s okay! Plastic Sim and Plastic Cadmus totally need new hoverboards.

 

Scene #2: Christmas Eve Pizza with Bec

(Bec, Brandon, & Abel suit up for a winter walk to Antonelli’s, the best pizza joint in Blanton.)

(They sit out on the deck and enjoy two slices of pepperoni and one plain with green pepper. Embarrassing nostalgia ensues.)

BEC: . . .so then Mrs. Page is like, “Brandon, Bec’s mother spent hours making you that elf hat, and you WILL wear it in the parade!”

ABEL: You were an elf in the Blanton Christmas Parade?

BRANDON: Tragically, yes.

ABEL: Aw, don’t get blushy. Was he adorable?

BEC: He was a very scowly elf.

ABEL: He’s got the ears for it.

BRANDON: Hey!

BEC: He’s gonna embarrass me next. Watch.

BRANDON: Hmmm. . .should I tell him about the time you were a donkey in the pageant? Or maybe the seventh-grade Jason Russo Mistletoe Disaster?

BEC: How much do you value your life?

 

Scene #3: Stuff I Miss

(Brandon dials Abel around 10:30 p.m.)

BRANDON: So I feel kind of weird.

ABEL: I was TOTALLY joking about your ears before.

BRANDON: Not that. It’s just. . .the first Christmas Eve I’m not at church with them.

ABEL: Oh. Okay. . .well, did you want to go?

BRANDON: No. I mean, I can’t do the whole Father Mike thing, and the sermon, and dealing with my parents’ friends. . .

ABEL: But?

BRANDON: There’s stuff I miss. You know? The choir, and the kids doing their pageant with the lights dimmed, and the way the whole place smells like pine needles and candles and everyone’s smiling.

ABEL: There’s still time, right? You could stop by for the end. Don’t they have some kind of grand finale?

BRANDON: It’s not the Ice Capades.

ABEL: I’d go with you.

BRANDON: For real?

ABEL: Crap. Did I say that out loud?

BRANDON: We shouldn’t.

ABEL: Why not?

BRANDON: Dad would get mad. He’d say I was trying to make some kind of “statement.”

ABEL: Okay, now I really want to go.

(*Brandon thinks it over*)

BRANDON: Could you meet me there in twenty?

ABEL: Twenty-five, Tin Man. Let me put on Dad’s suit.

 

Christmas Day

ABEL: Your mom’s too cute. Cocoa with marshmallows.

BRANDON: She used to make the marshmallows herself.

ABEL: SHE DID NOT.

BRANDON: Ask her yourself.

ABEL: Where’s your dad? Is he still mad we showed up last night?

BRANDON: He’s not mad. He’s just—adjusting.

ABEL: He needs to adjust quicker.

BRANDON: Can we open our presents now?

ABEL: Plastic Cadsim say. . .YES.

 

ABEL GOT FROM BRANDON: a pair of hot black leather boots, a What Would Cadmus Do? towel from the Castaway Planet merch shop, some swim trunks for next summer’s poolside shenanigans, and little novelty skateboards for Plastic Cadmus and Plastic Sim.

 

BRANDON GOT FROM ABEL: a custom-made mix CD of the songs they listened to on their road trip, a shaggin’ wagon for Plastic Cadsim, and a copy of the Castaway Planet Encyclopedia. Taped inside the front flap: two golden tickets to the Atlanta Castie-Con, June 29, 2013.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE! Hope your holiday was happy, too.