It’s my birthday so I’m giving you stuff

I mean, it’s either that or sit on the futon and contemplate how many seconds to the grave, and who has time for that? Plus I can’t complain; I’ve got a keyboard to write with, good books to read, and folks like you to play Pac-Man ruboff games with and send me aspic recipes from 1964. I could not ask for more.

So: HERE’S WHAT I GOT. If you’d like to claim any of these, just leave a comment below by midnight tomorrow (8/15/14) or email me at jclillisbooks AT gmail DOT com. Enjoy your gifts, and thanks for being awesome!

Gift #1: E-copy of We Won’t Feel a Thing

I’ve got 5 to give away; comment if you want one!

Gift #2: How to Repair a Mechanical Heart mini-poster*

[*THESE ARE GONE ALREADY, SORRY! Hope to have more printed up in the near future; stay tuned!]

I have 3 of these. I’ll personalize yours on the back with 5 secret things you didn’t know about the HTRAMH character of your choice.

Gift #3: A copy of the Worst Published Poem in the History of Literature

Mailed to you in the old-fashioned way, like when people used to lick stamps. One sheet of shiny animal stickers included. I will not lick any of them.

Gift #4: A vintage copy of People Magazine

It is twenty years old. Sigificantly younger than I am, but still. Contains the only known candid of Joey Lawrence and Naomi Judd, plus hilarious ruminations on why the Kidman-Cruise marriage is such a success.

Gift #5: A tiny orange dinosaur*

[*UPDATE: Bertram has found a home. I may have an octopus to give away at Christmas, if that suits you.]

His name is Bertram. I have only one. If you would like him to come live with you, I will send him in a little jewel box along with a certificate of adoption. Bathtub not included.

That’s all I got, folks. (I wish I could’ve thrown an ipad in the mix, but I eat mac & cheese 3 nights a week, y’know?) Give me a holler to claim your gift, and have a lovely August 14.

Yours very truly,

Me